One Day At The Zoo
A man who had just gotten out of prison was visiting his local zoo when he saw people throwing money into the monkey enclosure. The primates there were doing simple acrobatics and getting rewarded. "That's an easy way to make money," the man told himself, and promptly left to steal a monkey suit and return that very night – not before also pinching a bottle of whiskey to boost his courage.
The next morning he awoke with a hangover and to the ruckus of those very same monkeys. There was also that familiar "kerching" of money hitting the floor and bars.
But despite all that, the man felt far removed from the action; something wasn’t quite right. It was then that he realized he had broken into the wrong enclosure, and that a giant gorilla was now observing him quietly from a far corner. Terrifyingly, it got up and knuckle-walked over.
The man turned a sheet of white and promptly fainted. The gorilla sniffed at him, looked at the crowd, and became immediately horny. He picked up the man and started humping him doggy-style to the delight of the crowd, who was by now beginning to ignore the other primates and start throwing money at the new 'attraction".
The harder the gorilla worked, the more money the crowd would reward him. There were fratboy hoots and calls and at one point, the gorilla even thumped his chest in response. So long, it seemed, the gorilla had not had any carnal action.
For two weeks, the poor man was trapped in the enclosure and getting his bottom ravaged. But strangely, it wasn't as bad as it at first seemed. At times he didn't even feel anything at all! Prison, he reasoned, had been worse; especially in the showers!
But he dared not resist the obviously bigger gorilla and would always submit. At night, he retired to his corner and sought the comfort of his whiskey bottle that was now becoming something very precious.
Meanwhile, the gorilla would pick up all the money thrown at him, pile it all into a corner. He would count them and even grunt with a certain protectiveness. This made the man feel even worse. He wondered if the gorilla was one of those “educated” ones who could even sign (language).
In the third week, the man lamented the small fortune he would have made had he not crept into the wrong enclosure. Then one morning he opened his eyes to find the gorilla missing. A note and a crumpled $5 bill were placed where the fierce beast once sat.
The note said: "Bro, next time, get a better monkey suit! Yours is butt ugly. Haha, no pun intended. Here’s $20 for your trouble. Not! Hahahahaha…"
To that, the man responded by crying. He drank the last bit of whiskey and curled up in his corner. In the morning, however, he was feeling much better. Pretty soon he was doing cartwheels and forward rolls to which crowds would still respond with good cheer even if not as vociferous as before. The money continued to fly in.
The man he was grateful and like the gorilla, he piled his takings into a corner and counted them before he slept. This time, he slept better.
Moral of the story? That money doth soothe the most savage pain? There’s a silver lining to every dark cloud? Learn sign language? Well, in many situations, it’s just best to turn up in a better monkey suit or else you might just get f***ed. Every salesman knows this. ;-)
The end - by TC Lai 5th June 2018